Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Marce Society

That nice lady I spoke to earlier from the APNI told me about The Marce Society, which is an international professional group that is focused on the assessment, treatment, research and everything to do with post natal illness. She said that she thought they may be interested in my experience of PNI. So, I cracked on and found the site and filled in the application form so I could log in............ be informed that to join this society you had to part with £70.


Too "mental" for the Association of Post Natal Illness and too broke for the Society who is trying to work out how to reduce the illness and its effects. there's a challenge I like the sound of.

Incidentally, I'm feeling a lot better today. I feel that by starting this blog I have found a way of focusing all the different things I do into some kind of order. I feel I have got my new project and feel so excited about the limitless possibilities it presents. Although my thoughts continue to race, they are more focused and less random than before. I honestly feel that this is going to be the beginning of something really positive. I'm smiling as I write this because I'm so glad I finally decided to write some of the stuff in my head down -it gives my thoughts a sense of reality and meaning whereas before the thoughts just crashed on without ever being developed and then are gone forever.

Hubby says it's just my new obsession. He thinks I'm incapable of just having an interest or a hobby, he argues that I become obsessive. I tell him that he's just not as focused as I can be. I've always been the same though -when something catches my imagination i run with it, fly with it, chase it and don't let go until I have exhausted it. I'm just very highly motivated and like to follow things through to the absolute best of mine or any one's ability.

If a jobs not worth doing properly then it's not worth doing at all.

Take for example Facebook. Fucking hours spent on it. I LOVED IT!!!! Loved finding more and more people and talking to them all, and even setting up a whole group site and posting pictures and organising a big school reunion that about 60 or so people are going to. And now I can't really be arsed that much. I'll check my email but don't really go on there at all now. However, look at the positive gains from my Facebook phase. I've got in touch with loads of old friends, had a really good laugh, and arranged a big get together. Why is that so bad?

I know Hubby is worried that I'm not doing to well, but today I do feel better. The only slight thing that is worrying me in the depths of my mind is that I keep hearing things and I'm not sure if I'm hearing them for real, or I'm imagining them. It's not voices or anything specific, just odd hushes, whispers or what sound like a muffled talking. But no words. just really annoying sounds that cause my ears to prick up, and make me feel as if I look like a deer in the woods hearing the crack of a hunters boot on a twig.

Hubby said something tonight and I wasn't sure if he had spoken or if i was just imagining it. It happened a work yesterday as well when I thought someone had asked me a question and they said they hadn't said anything at all. But I do think that does happen sometimes. I i shouldn't become over anxious about it because if I do that it really will come up and bite me on the arse!

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