Friday, June 6, 2008

I called my CPN last week as I was worried that I was becoming low in mood, but mind was racing and was experiencing intrusive thoughts. Scared about getting in a right state again, but I took on board his view that this could be a 'blip' and to try and work through it, which I kind of have a bit, I think?! He will be calling me today so I am thinking about what I will say to him so it actually makes sense. My concerns are
  • mood a bit low
  • thoughts racing -don't stop all day until my medication kicks in at night
  • taking ALOT longer to drop off to sleep even with medication and waking in the night.
  • few weeks ago I think I was hypomanic/manic due to several things. On occasion an increased vividness and intensity of colours, sounds and images. Everything had a magical cartoon like quality to it which was fantastic. Filled with total and utter joy by silly things like what other people were wearing, cars driving along the sea front, music etc. I felt like I was a on a glorious film set. Lots of things felt very significant to me. And my body was fizzing as if I was a sherbet lemon, or effervescent tablet dissolving. Tingling and internally overwhelming -as if I was going to boil over.
  • I suggested to my husband that we have an open marriage and came very close to driving into town with the intention of going out on my own and finding someone for sex. When he said no basically I told him that he was boring and ignored his concerns about what I was saying and he thoughts that I was elated.
  • Felt sexually very powerful even Goddess like, and researched working as a prostitute as I felt I could probably earn thousands of pounds from something I liked doing and was very good at. Very excited about the prospect of having a double life, and the different walks of life my "clients" would come from.
  • I have been considering some past events in my life. For example -In my early 20s I decorated the entire ground floor of my house over 3 days with no sleep whatsoever. On the the 3rd day, when it was finished, I had a shower and drove to a town about 50miles from where I lived. It was so early the shops were not even open so I wandered round window shopping all dressed up to the nines and then went and bought some breakfast. Then I went shopping and spent about £500 on clothes by getting store cards in different shops.
  • Sexual pursuits of the past of which there are too many and too cringe worthy to mention but a constant theme of believing that I was the most attractive individual and fantastic shag in the whole wide world. I would walk into a nightclub and believe that all the men wanted me even if they were paying me no attention whatsoever.
  • Medication review -would I fare better on a mood stabiliser?
  • Psychologist -will I ever move up the waiting list?! I asked to be referred 1 year ago!
So there we have it - I am sure I will think of some other points but they will do for now I reckon.

1 comment:

Seratonin said...

Crikey that's a lot of concerns.Hope your CPN can talk you through it all & put your mind at ease.