Monday, June 16, 2008
Feel really pissed off. Hubby read my blog last night which I was OK with, however I had said to him that it was just my thoughts and feelings at the time and was to help me to sort my own head out. He read it and focused only on the sex. He basically said to me that he thought that I'd probably had sex with different people every night I went out; the way in which we met was probably because I was hypomanic at the time (possibly some truth in that); and what the hell I have been up to in our marriage.
This just upset me that he had judged me and made me feel shit for writing my thoughts down to try and clarify things for myself.
I'm not sure what to do about it now though.
Have an appointment on Monday with CPN and Consultant Psychiatrist Dr. Smile-a-lot. Plan is to start on Lamotrigine. I have VERY mixed feelings about this. I do want to even things out a bit but I don't want to lose what makes me "me". Don't want to lose my sparkle and zest for life. I love my sense of enthusiasm and joy over the silly things in life, and I don't want to say goodbye to that part of me. However, I do know that sometimes I feel dangerously capable of anything. Invincible even. I shall have to see how it goes eh?